As the Marie-Celeste-like ship MV GBP lies becalmed on an open...

As the Marie-Celeste-like ship MV GBP lies becalmed on an open sea the Capt is nowhere to be seen - some say he may have gone ashore to talk to the Kenyans after blowing the MV Woodenside out of the water.

Meanwhile 1st Mate Mr S lolls about on board with the only female crew member occasionally spitting out well-worn press releases to placate those pesky shareholders.

But wait a minute what's that noise from down below...that rumbling... those screams...

Is it oil, is it something from the deep... no... its thousands of cutlass waving shareholders...

And why's that plank out over the topsides?